I Forgave, I Healed and I’m Good

 

 

IMG_3497Allisa Jones, founder of Survivors with Voices in Texas

By-Allisa Jones

There comes a time where you look at your life and truly digest your past along with all the things you’ve been through, and decide that your past doesn’t have to dictate your future.

For many years I was silenced by fear and suppressed the bad memories of my childhood past. At the age of 11 I was abused by a man my mother let rent a room in our home. Going through a divorce and struggling with the fear of financial instability, my mother opened the door to a man who stolen my innocence. The man that rented a room in my home became my biggest fear and caused a constant, consistent trembling in my soul. When I was introduced to him, I was told to call him “Uncle Roger.”

Uncle Roger started to gain my trust by buying me gifts. To thank him, I was asked to sit on his lap. At 11 years old, I wasn’t accustomed to trickery or unsavory conduct of men. My so-called “Uncle” was taking advantage of my innocence. He began the abuse by kissing me on the cheek which, in turn, became kissing me on my mouth.

For months I spent most of my afterschool time trying to avoid him, but he would only creep upstairs and find me. I did my best to find other things to do that would keep me away from him but somehow, he always manipulated the environment so that he could be alone with me. My mom wasn’t always around, either working or running errands, so I was left to my own devices and thus, to Uncle Roger’s.

Uncle Roger took my virginity at age 11.

I was made to have intercourse with him on a regular basis. Almost daily. In the beginning, I yelled for my mom and dad at the top of my lungs. As the days began to multiply, the cries got softer and softer as I came to realize that no matter how loud I yelled, no one was coming. I learned so much on my own through those days; I would learn to care for my body on my own, to take a bath just to get the filth off of me after each occurrence. One of the reasons I consider my abuse to be the foundational stone that made me strong is that it caused me to learn to fight. It caused me to learn how to grapple with enemies, with my own fears and with things that seem to be outside of my control. I would carry this desire to fight into all areas of my life.

I walked through life with hatred for my mother blaming her for the abuse that I endured.

I walked through life trying to make her feel the pain that I felt when my innocence was stolen from me.

Then at the age of 13 learning my father is not my biological father added even more hatred and anger.

Hurtful stone after hurtful stone being thrown from every direction; when were they going to end.

The negative thoughts affected many areas of my life. It affected my intimate relationships, my friendships because I had a lack of trust. That negativity and lack of forgiveness caused me to miss out on life. What I mean by missing out on life is I was stuck in my past not living life and experiencing what life had for me- I was letting life live me.

I needed to get out of that state of mind – not only to start living for what life had for me but to begin to release the pain that held me captive for many years.

I had to walk through life of many mistakes and bad decision making based on the foundation my life was built on. After many years of repeated mistakes and not dealing with the issues within I am at a place in my life where

I Forgave, I’m Healed & I’m Good.

I’m Good because I accomplished forgiveness and healed from the inside out. A lot of times what we appear like on the outside is much prettier than what we may have on the inside of us.

How do you recover from abuse?

You can start by forgiving yourself- Realize it’s not your fault.   I had to tell myself it wasn’t my fault, somehow I convinced myself that the actions of my abuser were my fault.

Speak Out. Shame feeds on silence. Talking about that abuse might seem like the last thing you want to do, but speaking out about what happened to you and letting other people in takes away the power of the depression and the shame and gives that power back to you.

  1.  If you cannot speak out loud, write. Write about all the things that are not fair. About all the things you wish you could change. All the things you would say to your abuser right now. All the things you would say to the person you used to be. All the things you are afraid of. What still haunts you?

Get the words out from inside of you

Forgive those who were supposed to protect you?

Forgiving my mother doesn’t mean I didn’t feel upset that she failed me. It means I have given up the fight in my heart of trying to make her go back to the past to save me.

Let go of that Anger-Learning to forgive those who hurt us is an essential life skill, because it helps develop inner maturity, frees us from emotional bondage to the other person, and helps us develop the power to move on.

Forgive the person who harmed you?

Forgiveness gets to Healing-Forgiveness is a powerful choice you can make when it’s right for you that can lead to greater well-being and better relationships.

Keep in mind Abuse is just one bad thing that happens.  I’m sure other bad things have happened to you- Betrayal, Hardships, Failed marriage may be your challenges- We all have challenges….

Where I am today is not where I ever imagined I would be I went from a broken molested & raped little girl to a loving, mother & wife with a husband that loves & respects me; Along with being in the world of mortgages as a successful Loan Officer.  I learned to forgive which was the Key to my Healing – My abuser doesn’t control me any longer- I truly forgave my mother wholeheartedly and now I wish I forgave her much sooner. After losing my mother last year my perspective of unforgiveness, being filled with hatred and anger changed, as by not doing so I lost valuable time with her that now I can never get back. All the pain I feel with her gone is not worth the unforgiveness and hatred I had then. I am focused to continue moving FORWARD-and you can be FOCUSED to do the same.  No matter if you are going through life lost, abused or just trying to overcome all the bad things life brought your way.  DECIDE TO MOVE FORWARD.

 

Focus on letting go of the Negative Emotions, FOCUS on YOU, FOCUS on Living the Life that awaits you. Quit reliving the PAST.

I’m good when I help other’s “Unlock their Voice” so they can Forgive, begin to Heal and finally walk in freedom of living life.  With unlocking my voice I believe in my heart I am making a difference by sharing my Hurtful Stones from my past with others who have struggled or is still struggling with the Hurtful Stones of their past.

I stand today walking in freedom of my Hurtful Stones that is “The Stones that Built Me Strong”

I Forgave, I Healed, and I’m Good -You too can Forgive, Be Healed & Be Good

YOU ARE BIGGER THAN ANYTHING THAT CAN HAPPEN TO YOU.

I’m Alissa R. Jones and I’m a Survivor with a Voice

Alissa Jones is the author of The Stones That Built Me Strong and the Founder of Survivors With Voices.  Learn more about her by visiting www.survivorswithvoices.com

 

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4 Comments on “I Forgave, I Healed and I’m Good”

  1. May 23, 2014 at 9:08 pm #

    Reblogged this on justiceforkevinandjenveybaylis.

  2. May 25, 2014 at 9:16 pm #

    Thank you for sharing your journey. It helps the rest of us.

    • May 30, 2014 at 9:41 pm #

      Thank you for your response. We’re glad her post moved you.

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  1. Alissa Jones: The Stones That Built Me Strong | Rhachelle Nicol' - May 21, 2014

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